


When Shadows Fall

by Corantien



Series: As God Is My Witness [3]
Category: The Exorcist (TV)
Genre: Angst, Awkward Conversations, Domestic Fluff, Drama, Falsified papers, Fights, Fluff, Jealousy, M/M, Miscommunication, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Self-Acceptance, Tomarcus, Wheelchairs, pineapple on pizza
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-04 17:48:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12776217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corantien/pseuds/Corantien
Summary: Tomas promised Marcus a safe and peaceful place. Marcus has a hard time accepting the facts...Third part of my "As God Is My Witness" series.





	1. The Journey

**Author's Note:**

> I. “As phantoms frighten beasts when shadows fall.”  
> ― Dante Alighieri, Inferno

 

A normal person would be filled with trepidation, happy expectations, the moment they took notice of the big white house rising up from between the trees. Marcus could feel nothing. He followed a raindrop on the outside of the window with his finger. The wind was making it go sideways until it disappeared. Until it got freed from the exterior of the car and splashed onto the ground. To seep in, feed the earth, evaporate and rain down again. A never-ending cycle. Even a drop of water had more use than him.

 

The special transportation van pulled into the driveway where several people stood at the ready to welcome them into their midst. Happy faces. Bundled into thick clothes to protect themselves from the cold and biting wind and rain. The ex-priest sighed and looked down at his other hand into a brace. He could feel his heart thump painfully in the palm of his injured hand but he was already maxed out of pain meds. He had worse anyhow.

 

"We're here."

 

The old Marcus would probably reply something in the style of 'yes, doofus, I do have eyes in my head'. This Marcus didn't have the energy to commit to an answer that would pretend he was okay when he really wasn't.

 

Tomas turned around in the passenger's chair to look back at Marcus sitting in the back of the van strapped in with his wheelchair. "They are so glad we're back." He smiled encouragingly.

 

He wasn't. The older man ignored the priest. Ignored the nurse driving them back to the Kim family. He had never thought he would ever return here. And yet. Here they were. Again. Another sigh.

 

Marcus noticed the wooden planks they must have put together in front of the house so it would be wheelchair accessible. Bitterly he tried to keep vomit down. He couldn't even push his own chair. No doubt the rest of the house had been adapted and would be well-met for his needs.

 

 

 

_"The nerves are extensively damaged. With plenty of rest and careful exercises, some of the feeling in your legs may return but you cannot overexert yourself." The doctor told the both of them. He was speaking to Marcus but his eyes were on a worried Tomas. Standing beside the hospital bed - clasping their hands. Who needed the comfort more? Marcus didn't know. Neither did he care._

_Marcus tried not to stare at his saviour's back when he signed them out. Signed him out as his husband. The wheelbound man scoffed. It seemed like he got everything he ever wanted. Too late now._

_With a charming smile, Tomas took the bags the nurse was holding out for him. Filled to the brim with pamphlets, medicins and a discreet packaging of adult diapers. The shame was unbearable and he wondered what speed he needed to be going to fly through the window. The image of his brain scattered on the pavement put his mind at rest for a moment until Tomas shook him back out of his daydreams by touching his shoulder._

_"Stop touching me." Marcus bit out. He couldn't look the man in the eye. Tomas in return only touched him some more. Caressed his neck. Patted the back of his head. Kissed him softly on the cheek - all the time. The older man despised every single moment._

 

 

"Welcome home!" The children chanted when the rubber of his wheels touched the grind of the driveway. Tomas warmly thanked them and Marcus was glad they didn't seem to expect him to talk or do anything.

 

"I am glad you're okay." Harper softly spoke when he got pushed passed her. She touched his hand for a moment. A fleeting warmth came up in his chest but he immediately pressed it back down. It would be bad to feel anything right now. He wanted to scream that he was not okay. Why could nobody see that nothing would ever be alright again? He silenced his screams and cries, though, they would do no good.

 

"The bedroom on the ground floor is yours to take," Rose said.

 

Tomas turned to her with a surprised smile, his eyes flitted between the social worker and Andy. Andy grinned and awkwardly scratched the back of his head. Trying to look everywhere except at the both of them. That bedroom used to be Rose's while she was staying there.

 

"Yeah, we're together." The man dumbly nodded. Rose pressed their sides together. It spoke of comfort and steadiness. They had finally taken the step to try it out between them when all the turmoil had settled down after all the bad things that had happened in this home. "We're really good," Andy concluded.

 

The priest took Andy's hand and shook it firmly. "I am so happy for the both of you, my friends." Marcus didn't say a word.

 

"I'm living here permanently now." Andy's girlfriend said. "We're a proper family now."

 

Verity came to stand close to them and touched Rose's wrist. "We've always been a proper family, we just needed a kick-ass mom." The social worker gazed lovingly at their children before looking back at the duo. "Go on, come in. We've made pizza."

 

"I helped." Truck smiled.

 

"So did I," Caleb said.

 

"You put pineapple on before the tomato sauce."

 

"Uhm, I'm blind." Caleb pointed to his eyes.

 

"Stop pulling the blind card, Caleb, it gets old." Shelby rolled his eyes.

 

Caleb grinned "Can't hurt to win sympathy points with the only other disabled person here." He waved his hand somewhere - he hoped - in the direction of the man in the wheelchair. It felt as if a record got violently scratched to a halt. Every one of them held their breath to see what Marcus would do.

 

"No sympathy points for you. You put pineapple on a pizza." The man hoarsely said. He saw Tomas stiffen in the corner of his eye. They were the first words he had spoken since he had told him he should've let him die. The others laughed relieved. There was still some Marcus left.

 

"Let's go inside," Tomas said and leaned over to place another kiss on Marcus' scruffy cheek. Like he needed some god damn motivation to pretend to be a human being. Marcus snarled and pulled back his face - trying not to notice the hurt in his friend's eyes. He would never give up. That's for sure.

 

Andy coughed. "O - Okay, after you." And pointed at the front door. They gracefully took the new element of Tomas' and Marcus' relationship and were kind enough not to want to talk about it before following the two inside.

 

Marcus looked around. Yep, wheelchair accessible. Furniture had been moved so he could pass through easily. Fluffy carpets were gone and replaced with flat colourful pieces to brighten the room. There was even a fucking coat hanger at eye-level. He wished desperately to go back in time so he could burn the house down before even performing the exorcism.

 

"We'll be in the kitchen and give you some time to settle in," Andy said and shoo-ed the rest of them towards the delicious smelling room.

 

Tomas nodded and pushed Marcus towards their new room at the end of the hallway behind the stairs. It was one of the oldest bedrooms in the house - being built with the main part of the building - before it got expanded to a three-story home with several bedrooms.

 

"This is nice. I'll go get our luggage." Tomas rushed out before leaving the older man standing alone in the middle of the room.

 

A double four-poster bed. A door to the bathroom that was between them and the hallway leading to the pantry and the kitchen. The door behind him - where Tomas had left through - was still standing open and Marcus could feel a slight draught from outside. Probably because the front door was open so Tomas could bring in the baggage and settle their fair with the special transport that had waited on them at the airport in Seattle.

 

Wooden dark panelling covered the walls and ceiling. Velvety red pillows and forest green curtains decorated the bed and the bench at the large window looking out into the woods. Marcus thought some Christmas elf had gone crazy with the eggnog and puked all over the decor.

 

"I imagine it looks a bit like a dorm room in Hogwarts."

 

Marcus slightly turned his head. "Hogwarts?"

 

"Yeah, Harry Potter. The old bed, red pillows,..." Tomas pointed at the wood stove "The fireplace."

 

"The green curtains?"

 

"Slytherin dorm room then."

 

"Slyth... What?" Tomas could have easily been speaking Chinese to the ex-priest.

 

"Remind me to borrow you my copies."

 

"I'll have time enough on my hands now." Marcus grumpily replied.

 

Tomas looked sad and Marcus hated himself for putting that look there. But on the other hand, he felt glad. He wanted Tomas to be sad. It was his fault he was there. They could have just dumped him at St. Aquinas and be done with his useless arse. But no! The great and good Samaritan in Tomas wouldn't take no for an answer. _Yes_ , they were staying together. _Yes_ , he would take care of Marcus. _Yes_ , they had a home to go to.

 

Marcus has had no input. He would just count the days until his endless suffering would stop. Or until Tomas ran out of patience and be done with an old fool like him.

 

Instead of replying, the priest started unpacking their belongings. With great care, he unfolded their clothes and put them on hangers into the large wardrobe. He took out the bag of medicins and... Other stuff.

 

"I'll just put these in the bathroom. They had promised nobody would go in there for as long as we live here." Not waiting for an answer Tomas was gone again. Marcus heard his stomach rumble. He did want some pizza.

 

"Can... Can we eat in here?" He tried when he heard Tomas rustle behind him. A long silence stretched the air thin.

 

"No."

 

"I don't want to talk to them."

 

"You don't have to talk. I won't leave you alone."

 

"I won't kill myself if that's what you're worried about." Marcus snidely barked.

 

Tomas squatted down in front of his friend so he could look at him while they talked. Marcus hated it when he did that. Talked to him like he was some child.

 

"The doctor..." He started.

 

"Fuck what the doctor said. I don't want to go."

 

"It'll be good for you. Some social contact."

 

"I have enough social contact when you're near. You never shut up."

 

"It's not the same. You normally don't talk back anymore. You feel obligated to talk to them. You care for them. For Harper."

 

"Emotional blackmail, padre? How positively _Slytherin_ of you."

 

Tomas grinned. "I knew you knew Harry Potter."

 

"Fine. Let's all eat together like one big happy fucking family."

 

"Great." The younger man dryly replied.

 

"Tomas."

 

"Yes?" He asked while pushing Marcus to the kitchen.

 

"I'm not getting better, you know." His heart broke even further into tiny pieces when he admitted it out loud.

 

"We'll see."

 

* * *

 

The night lamp on the bedside table switched on. "What are you doing?" Tomas groggily asked - looking perplexed to Marcus who was trying to heft himself in his wheelchair.

 

"I need to go to the bathroom."

 

"Then just ask."

 

"I don't need any help pissing!" Marcus yelled frustratedly by his lack of agility. In his anger - his hand slipped - and he fell on the floor. Tomas jumped up at once to get to his side of the bed.

 

"Let me..."

 

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

 

They were having quite a stand-off. On the one side, Tomas, with his hair sticking up all sides, and on the other side, Marcus, down on the floor. Trying to ignore that - yes - maybe he did need some help. "Just... Just get me in my chair." He finally ground out ashamed to be so helpless.

 

"I don't need your help for every single thing."

 

Tomas wisely kept his mouth shut. In the three days they had been back with the Kim family - Marcus had refused all help and got mad whenever he detected something resembling pity. He didn't accept anything they offered him and he rather stewed quietly all by himself than join the others.

 

Nevertheless, they had fallen into a quiet routine. The family's life was barely interrupted by their presence. Their arrival had gone smoother than expected. Perhaps because they were used to accept people and make them part of their family in the little time they would maybe spend together.

 

Verity, Caleb, Andy,... All of them had accepted them without any hesitation. Even Marcus' grumpiness and how he seemed to rather be barking than biting their heads off. Nothing deterred them and it drove the ex-priest crazy. If he had Andy asking one more time if he wanted to be rolled around in the garden...

 

He just refused to suffer all these humiliations without any fight. Never before had he been so dependent on others. And Tomas was the worst of all. If Marcus asked - he would probably even cut all his food for him. Instead, Marcus squashed half of his potatoes with his fork so he did not even need to lift a knife with his injured hand. Rather half of his food off the plate and on the floor than ask for help.

 

"You need a bath," Tomas muttered when he helped Marcus into the chair.

 

"Are you saying that I smell?" Marcus knew he did. And he needed a shave too.

 

"Do you want me to run you a bath?"

 

" _Fine_." If he insisted on sharing a bed with a cripple then he could also deal with playing his nursemaid until he got tired of it.

 

The moment Marcus lowered himself carefully into the bathtub with his trembling arms - and one hand wrapped in a plastic bag - he sighed. He did need a proper washing. To relax his sore muscles. He had barely moved ever since he got into that damned chair.

 

Lost, he looked at the pale legs stretched out in front of him. The water made them even paler than usual. By now he could slightly wiggle his toes. It wasn't an entire paralysis, but he barely felt a thing in his legs. They tried needles, feathers,... Some touches triggered a movement but it was like something had just poked him with an immense barrier between. The touch was dulled and every exercise, the physical therapist had prescribed, tired him out greatly.

 

"Are you doing your stretch exercises?" Tomas asked. Marcus froze up for a moment. Another thing that had happened was Tomas casually ignoring all his personal space or privacy made easier by the missing door. Barging into the bathroom, poking his head around the corner to check up on him while he was staring out of a window and the touching still hadn't stopped.

 

 

 

_Marcus stiffened. Oh, no. Stricken with panic he tried to discreetly roll away from the table but Tomas was already standing up._

_"You need something from the room? I can get it for you."_

_"No, bugger off." Marcus haughtily replied and tried wheeling as fast as he could back to the bedroom. Hard to do with only one functional hand. Bumping into corners, tables and walls - missing the doorway several times - he finally got inside the room. Of course, Tomas had followed him._

_"I said... Bugger off, Tomas!" He tried to slam the door in the man's face but like some annoying Jehovah's witness, his foot stopped it from closing._

_"I wish you would just ask me if you needed anything. Ask any of us. We're happy to help!"_

_Fed up with everything, Marcus tried ignoring his friend and rolled to the bathroom. Tomas jumped in his way._

_"Let me through." He hissed between his teeth._

_"Marcus, please, talk to me." The priest begged._

_"I pissed myself!" That halted the both of them in whatever they were doing._

_"Tha... That's okay. Nothing to be ashamed about."_

_Oh, no. Tears were burning in his eyes but he refused to start crying in helplessness. "Let me through, Tomas."_

_This time the man stepped aside and Marcus - after blinking through the tears and looking resolutely in his lap - passed him and closed the door. The lock wasn't too high and he could easily slide it in place. He would need all the time he could get._

_And there they were..._

_Careful not to let his sobs be heard, his body wracked with silenced cries - Marcus weighed back-and-forth into his wheelchair. Trying to comfort himself. Shush himself. Not knowing that Tomas was on the other side of the locked door. Pressed close. Trying to hear everything. Hands on the warm wood. Wishing he could be inside and make the pain go away._

_"Marcus..." Tomas begged through the hardwood. "Please let me in."_

_Marcus sniffed once more and went over to the sink so he could clean himself with the little dignity he had left. "Shite." He cursed when he couldn't lift himself out of his soaked trousers. Frustrated, he bit his lip and tried again._

_Not knowing how it happened, he lost his balance and the chair tipped over. He slammed his head on the edge of the sink and with a grunt he crashed onto the floor. His pants exposing half of his white arse and his cheek stuck to the cold tiles._

_The ex-priest started laughing. And laughing. He must sound like a maniac but he couldn't stop. Were there worse ways to die? He tried imagining Tomas and Andy finding his cold dead corpse on the bathroom floor with his buttocks stuck up the air. He remembered a joke about having to bury a body ass-up so you had a place to park a bike. That set him off again._

_Could someone choke to death from laughing at your own pathetic self?_

_A great crunching noise shook him out of his hysteria and completely surprised, he watched the door being kicked out of his hinges._

_"Marcus!"_

_"What the Hell, Tomas!?"_

_"I thought..." Tomas awkwardly tried to explain while rubbing his shoulder and looking back-and-forth between the man on the floor and the wrecked bathroom door._

_That had Marcus start all over again. He must make quite the picture. Tomas cracked a tiny smile and then went over to help his friend off the floor. It must have happened in the next second or so but the laughter - just as easily as before - changed back into sobs. This time not so silent._

_"Shh, it's okay, mi amor." Tomas hushed the older man. Quietly cleaning him up and helping him back to the bed. All the while stroking Marcus' arms and back to shush him. To calm him down. Snot was tracking down his face, but the priest just took a handkerchief to wipe it off like he would wipe off a child's face._

_"Thi... This is what you get, Tomas." Marcus choked out in between his hiccuping cries. "Lovely is it not?" He sarcastically continued. Suddenly exhausted, he leaned back into the soft eiderdown and closed his eyes. Soft hands were still touching him but by the time he could react to their presence, his mind had already succumbed to a deep sleep._

 

 

That morning he had awoken to Tomas spooning him from behind. His mouth puffing tiny breaths in the nape of his neck and Marcus understood that he wouldn't get rid so easily of the priest. He was loyal to a fault and would waste all his talents to help a broken man.

 

He had cried, had shouted, had thrown things at the younger man's head, he had pissed himself and cursed them all. One after the other. Another week went by and they were still treating him the same. Like he was family and they loved him unconditionally.

 

After fourteen days, he did what no Demon could ever make him do. He conceded the fight.

* * *

 

The moment Tomas had left the house, with Andy and Verity to get groceries, Marcus had taken his chance.

 

"What game are you playing?" He asked Rose, Shelby, Caleb and Truck.

 

"Monopoly," Caleb reported. "I'm the bank."

 

"How do you..."

 

"How do I tell which bank notes are which? Andy put a sticker on the back. See." Caleb turned a fake hundred dollar note around so Marcus could see the braille sticker. "There's always a way to make it work." The boy shrugged and continued counting out Shelby's transaction.

 

"Can I watch?"

 

"You can do more than just watch. Here take mine." Rose smiled. "I need to check on the boiler anyway. It's been making weird noises since last night."

 

"Didn't know you knew something about boilers," Caleb muttered.

 

"Hey, I can be pretty smart too, you know. I figured that it can't be _that_ hard."

 

"Andy gave her the instruction manual before he left." Shelby pointed out to the others.

 

The boys grinned and even Marcus nearly smiled.

 

"It's not cheating!" Rose threw over her shoulder before leaving the boys to themselves.

 

"Yes, it is!" They shouted back and easily let Marcus slip in the social worker's place.

 

"Dude, she left because she's in prison." Truck laughed and pointed at Marcus' car in the corner.

 

"Bugger."

 

* * *

 

"We're home!" Andy shouted from the back of the house. They always parked the car there because it was easier to get their shopping to the pantry. "Shelby, Truck come help! Caleb set the table, we're famished!"

 

The boys sprang into action - game momentarily forgotten.

 

"Marcus?" They heard Tomas shout. A door banged open in the back of the house. "Andy, I can't find Marcus. Truck, Shelby, where's he?"

 

"He's just in the living room, man. Chill out. We were playing a game." Someone replied the worried priest.

 

"A ga... Marcus?"

 

Here it comes. Marcus slowly looked up to see Tomas standing in the entrance - looking into the living room. Taking in the sight - with wide eyes - of him playing a game with the children. Him coming voluntarily out of his room.

 

"Who - Who's winning?" Tomas stammered out.

 

"Not me in any case. I'm in prison for the sixth time."

 

"Repeat offender?"

 

"Caught me, officer," Marcus replied and lifted both his hands in a surrendering gesture.

 

"We're planning on... On making a cake. Harper's birthday is coming up."

 

The girl had been enjoying a sleepover with her new friends of her new school and would arrive back home any minute now.

 

"Something I can do to help?"

 

Marcus expected Tomas to start crying any moment now. _That_ was how happy it made him see Marcus try to make an effort.

"Definitely not the eggs."

 

The ex-priest was sometimes still floored when he realized Tomas remembered everything from before. Even their discussion in the kitchen all those months ago.

 

"I'll try my best as long as I can get diabetes from merely looking at it."

 

"No doubt about that. We kidnapped the sugar fairy and deprived the West Coast of all things sprinkles."

 

"Can't have the candy pirates roam about without supervision."

 

"Come aboard." Tomas smiled widely and instead of offering Marcus to roll him to the kitchen, he just turned around and walked away. Assuming Marcus can get himself to the kitchen. On his _own_.

 

* * *

 

"I'm amazed by the vast variety of your collection," Marcus remarked one evening when he and Andy were standing - sitting in Marcus' case - in front of the bookcases in the living room.

 

"Thanks, a lifelong ambition I guess. You already decided on which one you'd like to read? Something angsty? Horror?"

 

"No horror, thank you very much."

 

"Riiiight. Comedy?"

 

"Do you have any classics?"

 

"The serious stuff?"

 

"Yeah, the serious stuff."

 

Verity came to stand between them. "I just finished Dante's Inferno. You like?"

 

"Ooh, I definitely like." Marcus smiled. It got easier every day to function like a normal human being again.

 

"I'll get it from my room. Give me a sec."

 

The girl had just disappeared around the corner when Andy turned to him. His face all of a sudden very serious.

 

"Now... What's up with you and father Tomas? I know it's none of my business and I don't care if the two are you... Together. But you both don't seem very happy right now."

 

"I'm paralysed, Andy."

 

"Puh-lease. Nerve-damaged. Not paralysed."

 

"There's nothing. We're just friends."

 

"Uhuu." Andy rolled his eyes. "You're really bad at lying, you know. But fine, don't tell me. Just do whatever you have to do to make Tomas stop from going all puppy-eyed around you. My manliness can't handle it." He joked and then left Marcus alone so he could reflect on that.

 

* * *

 

"How's it feel?" The doctor asked.

 

"Fine," Marcus replied. Great. Another big ugly scar on his body. He lifted his hand higher into the air so he could see it better.

 

"There will be some stiffness but do the PT and you'll be good as rain in a few days."

 

"Thank you, doctor." Tomas smiled and followed the doctor out to the desk so they could settle the insurance papers. In some way or another, Bennett had taken care of their new fake papers. Even including an insurance.

 

The Demon may have gotten away, but this time - armed with proof - father Bennett had convinced the few still faithful within the Church. They had recovered Mouse's body to give it a proper burial and sketches of the boy's face were distributed among their network. The moment he had been sighted, they would be notified.

 

Bennett said it was his parting gift for all they had been through. Tomas knew that it had been a reimbursement for all Marcus had done for the Church. Trying to make up for the fact they had excommunicated one of their own for the sake of keeping up pretences and believing their own corrupt friends.

 

Now on paper, they were still their own persons. Just plain Tomas Ortega and Marcus Keane. In a civil union...

 

A medical assistant came in to hand Marcus' new prescriptions and smiled at him. "You're a very lucky man to have such a charming husband, Mr Keane." The young girl said before leaving him alone in the examination room.

 

The ex-priest looked up to peek between the blinds and watched Tomas share a joke with several of the people standing in the waiting room.

 

"Husband?" Was the first thing Marcus asked when they got back into the car Andy had borrowed them.

 

"It was the only way for me to get close to you while you were in the hospital."

 

"Then why still...?"

 

Tomas shrugged. "I'm not returning to preach anytime soon."

 

Marcus wanted to ask how much of this was a farce to him but something made him bite his tongue. Sometimes, things had a way of explaining themselves... _If_ you had enough patience.

 

* * *

 

His knee banged against the underside of the table - effectively cutting short any conversation - and Marcus quickly pushed himself away from it. Gripping his right leg with both his hands. Hissing in repressed pain.

 

"What's wrong?" Tomas asked urgently and knelt in front of his friend.

 

"Spasms." Marcus huffed out between bouts of electricity like currency stream through the veins in his leg.

 

"That's good. That's good."

 

"Doesn't feel good!" The older man gasped out. Furious at the onslaught he couldn't fight.

 

"It means your nerves are firing up again."

 

"I can feel _that_!" He snapped back. It was killing him. Sweat beads formed on the side of his face and he knew he was weakly trembling like he was riddled with the flu. "What are you doing?" Marcus growled and tried slapping Tomas' hands away when he reached for his spasming leg.

 

"Massaging the knots out. It's what we're supposed to do." Tomas went back to work. A hundred percent concentrated on his task of massaging the tension out. Starting from the shaking calf and moving slowly - but steadily - upwards with strong circular motions with the palms of his hands and thumbs pressing into the skin.

 

"It... It helps." Marcus admitted when he felt some of the pain ease with every stroke of Tomas' steadfast hands.

 

"I'm glad."

 

The younger man was working out the pain in his thigh now and only then did Marcus notice their positions. Tomas was sitting on his knees between his legs. Elbows at his sides and hands splayed on his leg going up-and-down. The tip of his tongue stuck out from between his lips in utter concentration and Marcus was completely bedazzled.

 

"Better no..." Tomas started and looked up. He froze. Their eyes met knowingly and Tomas didn't care his mouth had gone slack a little when he saw the fire blazing in those beautiful eyes in front of him.

 

The ex-priest tore away his eyes and coughed to awkwardly hide how he was feeling before glancing back towards the table where the others had been sitting silently watching the proceedings. Only Andy seemed to have gone for the phone in case they had needed a doctor but he was already back. A grin slumbering around his smug mouth and his mobile useless in his hand.

 

"Give me a moment," Tomas said roughly before stiffly standing up and going out of the room. Shamefaced Marcus rolled back under the table and smiled apologetically to the others.

 

"You okay?" Harper - sitting next to him - asked innocently. The worry clear in her voice.

 

"Yes, I'm fine. Tomas is right. It is a good sign. Some of the nerves are repairing itself."

 

"Let's drink to that!" Rose smiled and got up to get the grown-ups some wine glasses.

 

"Can I have some?" Verity asked. Rose and Andy share a look.

 

"A tiny glass." Andy conceded with a sigh. He knew it was better to let her have a taste than have her try drinking behind their backs.

 

"Awesome!"

 

"Can I ha..." Caleb began.

 

"No." Both parents said without hesitation. Caleb grumbled and crossed his arms. Saying something about how unfair it was.

 

Tomas came back and without a word took place again. Gracefully accepting his own glass of wine and toasting with the others to Marcus' health.

 

It took Marcus the rest of the meal to figure out why Tomas had stopped touching him.

 

* * *

 

The not-touching became even more obvious, the more days passed. Where Tomas would usually be all over Marcus whenever he needed help or uttered a small sign of distress - now he was just... Polite. Still warm and open and friendly though. But this time there was this invisible barrier between time. Like a line had been crossed and Tomas had to scramble back and was now scared to death to ever get that close again.

 

Marcus positioned him in several ways so he could be easily reachable but the priest wouldn't touch him. Not even if there had been a ten-inch pole lying around to poke that invisible line again. And then he noticed that in all the time they had been here - that they had gone on the road after the amnesia - ever since the hospital. Marcus had _never_ touched Tomas. Never voluntarily or when their lives weren't at stake.

 

They had touched. Before the exorcism, he couldn't seem to keep his hands from the younger man. But something was broken between them now. Marcus never touched his friend. Not even a pat on the shoulder for all the help he got. Or a turn of his cheek when Tomas pressed a kiss there.

 

He tried to imagine every possible answer there could be to this phenomenon. Did Tomas not find him attractive?

 

The way Marcus caught the other man stealing glances when he was struggling into his pyjamas told a different story.

 

Different scenarios flitted through his head. Different ways to approach the problem - and when had this become a problem? - had him groaning in frustration because nothing seemed to help.

 

The only other explanation - if Marcus really puts himself in Tomas' place - was that Tomas didn't want to pressure Marcus _or_ confront him because he wasn't able anymore. He had never thought of _that_ since he got out of the hospital. Being paralysed meant also not being able to...

 

 _Shite_.

 

* * *

 

"Marcuuus!" Verity shouted into the house. "Someone's here to see you!"

 

Marcus looked up from the last chapter of Dante's Inferno, put the book on the side and rolled to the front door. Bennett would've texted if he would visit.

 

He hoped it wasn't the doctor or someone from the police claiming their papers were forged or something like that.

 

"Peter?"

 

"Hello, Marcus. Andy was in town yesterday and told me you guys were back." The doctor smiled and held up a box. "I bought some coffee. Let's take a stroll."

 

Quickly - before Tomas would come out of the bathroom - Marcus rolled onto the porch. "We can go to the lake if you help me through the grind."

Help would be welcome to get away from the house as fast as he could.

 

"No problem."

 

* * *

 

"So an exorcism went wrong?" Peter concluded after Marcus had shared his part of his story. He could impossibly tell everything but he felt like he owed Peter as much as this. He nodded and slurped from his luke-warm coffee.

 

"Does it hurt?"

 

"No, not really. My hand's all better now. Sometimes I get spasms. Which is a good thing or so they have told me."

 

"You'll be staying here then?"

 

"For a while. Tomas is looking for a job and apparently, I have some money put away somewhere during my time working for the Church." Bennett had fixed his 'pension' while he was recovering in the hospital. Another 'get well gift' to ease the guilt of the Vatican. "In the meantime, Tomas is working part-time as a social worker. Another kid will come in after New Year's."

 

"Wow, six kids. Big family. I'm sure Andy and Rose can use all the help they can get."

 

"Don't forget I'm a burden too. No help from my side." Marcus bitterly spoke and ripped open the sugar packet that had been resting inside the insulated cardboard box. Slowly he watched the grains drop into the coffee and dissolve.

 

"Knowing you, I guess you're just being too hard on yourself."

 

"Perhaps." Marcus smiled ruefully. Peter really was a nice guy. "What are you really doing here, Peter?"

 

"Caught me." The other man replied. "The moment I heard you were back, I wanted to see you. Maybe try to pick things up where we left them. I don't know what I was thinking..." He trailed off.

 

"Peter... While I am really flattered... I don't... I'm in a wheelchair."

 

Peter scoffed. "You think I care about that? It's because you're in love with the priest, isn't it?"

 

"I'm sorry. It could never work between us." Was the only thing Marcus could reply to that.

 

"It's fine. No, please, really. I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was thinking. I - I think that - maybe - I just needed some closure. And I thought we're kind of friends now, I was worried."

 

"Thank you."

 

"Do you want me to bring you back to the house? Sun's starting to set."

 

"Yes, please."

 

* * *

 

"No lo aprecio cuando no me dices d ónde estás.*" Was the first thing Tomas snapped at Marcus when the both of them arrived back - safely - at the house.

 

_*I don't appreciate it when you don't tell me where you are._

 

"We were just taking a walk to the lake. Having  a coffee." Marcus sighed. He knew Tomas would get all riled up for this.

 

"Andy put up an extra plate for you, are you staying, doctor?"

 

They could clearly hear the 'please, go away' in Tomas' question. Nevertheless, Peter nodded his consent gratefully and stepped inside. He had been here often enough by now to get comfortable. And if Marcus and he couldn't have a 'thing' then what could stop him from having some fun at the expense of the stick-up-his-ass-priest?

 

"Could you... Could you just _pretend_ you like him?" Marcus pleaded before following Peter inside. It would do no good. He missed the crestfallen look on his friend's face because of that.

 

* * *

 

"Thank you, father Tomas," Peter said and took over the salad bowl. It took a small yank to free the bowl from Tomas' tight grip. If looks could kill - Peter would be killed a hundred times over by now.

 

Marcus sighed and leaned his head into his hand. This wasn't going too well.

 

Andy and Rose were talking about their upcoming date night - the first they could have since they've gotten together because Tomas and Marcus could babysit - while the children were playing a word game. Peter assisted Harper with the difficult animals and rapt the kids listened to him explain something about fluorescent worms.

 

Tomas turned to Marcus - glad to have some privacy.

 

" Quieres estar a solas con él?*" He whispered. Eyes flashing angrily.

_*Do you want to be alone with him?_

 

The older man ignored Tomas' question and pretended to listen to the other conversations.

 

"Lo besaste?*"

_*Did you kiss him?_

 

This time Marcus looked sideways to pin his friend with his eyes.

"What do you mean? Why would I... Por qué lo besaría?*"

_*Why would I kiss him?_

 

By now Marcus realised Tomas was speaking in Spanish because of the content of the conversation. To make it safe to talk without being understood. Only Andy knew some basic Spanish as far as they knew. It sometimes happened that Tomas talked in Spanish if he thought that Marcus wouldn't want the others to take part.

 

" Parece que te gustaba antes.*"

_*You seemed to like it before._

 

" Mi mente ahora está en otras cosas.*" Marcus replied. He knew his cheeks must be burning by now. Tomas wasn't giving him an inch, though.

_*My mind is on other things now._

 

" Pero lo quieres a él?*"

_*But you do want him?_

 

"Tomas... Don't start. It's not like that." Marcus spoke. He knew his friend was worried about his emotional safety but to get this mad... He didn't understand.

 

"Entonces cómo es? No dejes que me interponga entre ustedes. Dar _'un passeo'_?*" Tomas spat. His knife slipped over his plate making a screeching noise that put Marcus' teeth on edge.

_*Then what is it like? Don't let me come between you._

_Take 'a walk'?_

 

"El verde no es tu color, padre.*" Peter interrupted the both of them.

_*Green isn't your colour, father._

 

Tomas jumped up in shock, scraping his chair over the floor and it tipped over. His mouth opened several times - speechless with anger and indignation. Fists balled tightly at his sides until his knuckles were white. Marcus expected him to get out the gloves and issue an official duel by slapping Peter in the face.

 

Was he _jealous_?

 

Tomas stormed off without another word. Too furious to even speak. The slamming of the bedroom door the only answer to the sudden silence.

 

"That... Went well." Andy slowly breathed out.

 

"I should go," Peter said. Suddenly ashamed of his behaviour to try to bait the priest.

 

"No, don't. Stay." Marcus replied. "If he decides to act like a child, then let him act like a child. I'll talk to him later."

 

"Shotgun Tomas' dessert!" Caleb shouted suddenly.

 

That definitely thawed the ice a bit.

 

* * *

 

"You made a right fool out of yourself, you know that. Right?" As expected the lump - covered with blankets - in the bed didn't reply. Marcus knew he was still awake. "Peter didn't deserve that."

 

Still no answer. The older man sighed and rolled to the bathroom. On the seat of the toilet, he changed into his flannel pyjamas - another item borrowed from Andy - before brushing his teeth and going back into the bedroom.

 

"If it _was_ jealousy - then just tell me why?" He muttered while trying to manoeuver onto the side of the bed.

 

"You were touching him."

 

Marcus pained his brain to remember which instant he had touched the doctor? When they had come up to the house and Peter had helped him get back on the porch, he had - indeed - patted the man's hand in thanks.

 

"I thanked him for helping me. You always seem to be lecturing me on my bad manners. Now that I am behaving like the gentleman I'm supposed to be, you're angry."

 

"You _don't_ touch people."

 

Ah... So Tomas had noticed too.

 

"You mean... I don't touch _you_."

 

Tomas turned onto his back so the both of them were staring at the ceiling next to one another. "So you do it on purpose then? Just me."

 

"No," Marcus whispered. "Not on purpose."

 

"Hurt me before I can hurt you, eh?" Tomas said. Pointing out - again - that he remembered even the private conversation Marcus once had with Harper. The conversation about love and people hurting each other where Tomas had been eavesdropping.

 

"You told me - too many times to count - that you don't want _me_ touching _you_." The priest continued.

 

"Things are different now."

 

"How so?"

 

"What do you _want_ , Tomas?  Is _now_ really the time for that conversation?"

 

"Better late than never and I've had it with you trying to ignore the things that have happened between us. I want us to be together!"

 

"Sorry to disappoint, but we can't be _together_." Marcus bitterly replied.

"Because you're in a wheelchair and can't stop pitying yourself."

 

Marcus sputtered at that. "I don't pity myself!"

 

"Boohoo, I'm an old ex-priest stuck to a chair and now nobody will ever love me." Seemed like Tomas was finally fed up with Marcus.

 

"Ju- Just go to sleep, Tomas." He sighed and burrowed deeper into the blankets.

 

"No! No, I'm absolutely done with this." Tomas jumped up and started pulling on his clothes. "I am so done with you! With your attitude! You just throw away everything we built together!" Frantically and with tears in his voice the priest gathered together his belongings.

 

"Where are you going?" Marcus asked with a small voice.

 

"Away! Away from here! Away from you! You obviously don't want me here and I hate how you look at me like I am to blame for your position. You hate me for bringing you here. For not letting you die!"

 

"I... I'm working through some things here, Tomas."

 

"Oh, si! Yes, I noticed. You try to be more social now. Go more outside. Let the children and Andy and Rose close again. You even go on coffee dates with your stupid doctor and what about me, eh?"

 

"You want me to reward you or something for your patience? I didn't ask for the things you do for me! You just decided everything in my stead and thrust them in my face and expect me to be happy and nod and smile at you taking my every piece of independence away?!"

 

" _Everything_! _Everything_ I do is freely given. I don't expect _anything_ in return!"

 

"Then what do you want!?" Marcus screamed now completely furious. "I'm tied to this fucking chair with two useless legs and a limp cock! I can't give you a relationship!"

 

Tomas' filled bag fell to the floor with a heavy thud. He was standing in the middle of the room in front of the four-poster bed. Staring at his red-faced friend clutching the sheets to him in despair.

 

"That's... That's what this is all about? You think I wouldn't want you unless it can be a physical thing?"

 

"No."

 

"Then tell me what it is, please?" Tomas was kneeling on the end of the bed now, watching, pleading with Marcus to finally open up.

 

"You deserve better," Marcus muttered and looked at his fingers twisting and twisting and twisting in the sheets. A low growl made him look up again, just in time to see Tomas launch himself on top of the older man.

 

Knees next to his hips. Straddling him insistently. Dark eyes met blue.

 

"What do you see when you look at yourself?" Tomas whispered. Their faces were so close, Marcus could feel the warm breath with a hint of pineapple on his cheeks.

 

"Someone not worthy of you. You're... You're a priest. With gifts granted by God. You're intelligent, warm, funny, caring, empathic and so unbelievably gorgeous. You're attracted to women like Jessica."

 

"I asked... What do you see when you look at _yourself_?" Their lips were nearly touching. the lamp on their bedside table gave off just enough light for Marcus so make out the dark lashes framing those deep beautiful eyes.

 

"I... I... I don't..." Marcus stammered. What did Tomas want him to say? How ugly and pathetic he was? How utterly useless compared to the priest's gifts? That he was too damaged to even know how a normal relationship works and here he was, paralysed from the hips down, making a normal relationship in any case already a thing of the past. Impossible.

 

"Marcus, mi amor." Tomas sighed against his moustache. His warms hands were framing the pale skin of the man underneath him. "I shall have to spend the rest of my life convincing you."

 

"Convincing me?"

 

"You've got our roles reversed, my love."

 

"Reversed?" Marcus nearly squeaked. He felt the tip of Tomas' tongue slightly touch his upper lip before the man pulled his face back a little so they could look better at one another.

 

Tomas smiled softly. "You don't get it know, but you will. You will." And then he resolutely bridged the gap between them.

 

Marcus' hands were gripping the shoulders of Tomas' sweater tightly. Not knowing if he wanted to push the man away or pull him closer. Seems like his subconscious decided for him and he crushed the both of them together. Completely starved for touch, he moaned when Tomas slipped his tongue into his desperate mouth.

 

"I can't... We..." Marcus pulled his mouth away - gasping heavily - from those sinful lips. "We can't. I can't."

 

Tomas growled. "We don't need to. I just want to hold you and kiss you. Let me love you, Marcus?  Please?" Before kissing the ex-priest again. Placing open-mouthed kisses from lips to sternum.

 

"I... I..."

 

"I don't care, Marcus. Please, just say yes? Let me love you?" Another deep kiss that made the older man completely breathless. "I don't care how long it takes. I don't care how damaged you think you are." Tomas bit his earlobe and Marcus sobbed out loud. "I need you. I'm completely worthless without you." He licked a large wet stripe to Marcus' clavicle. "My so-called talents are _nothing_. Nothing compared to you."

 

"But... But what about God?"

 

Heavily breathing, Tomas pulled a bit back again before replying. His eyes were wild and his hair reached out to everywhere. "He put you in my head. He put you in my path. There's a reason for everything he does. I fell in love with you. He must've known." Another kiss that smacked obscenely loud in the room.

 

"He - He must've known, _what_?"

 

"That we need each other. Two halves of a whole."

 

" _Christ_ , Tomas." Marcus keened and clutched the younger man back close to his body.

 

It took several minutes - hours? - of kissing before Marcus could discern Tomas' whispering words. Confessed into the darkness of his stubble.

 

Repeated over and over again. Like a dying man's last hope. Reaching for that oasis on a hot desert day.

 

"Let me love you, Marcus? Please, let me love you?"

 

Marcus' heart thudded painfully. He had never imagined this was all he would ever want in his life. This man, to have and to hold, till death does them apart.

 

Confronted with too many demons to count, having dealt with numerous traumas, heartbreaks and betrayals, even murder tainting his hands black as night... _Nothing_ could hold him back from doing the most courageous thing he had ever done in his entire life.

 

"Yes." He whispered.

 

 

 


	2. Spread Your Wings

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Harp..."

 

"Midget." Caleb jokingly cried in between the singing.

 

"Munchkin!" Marcus smiled during the birthday song.

 

"Happy birthday to you!"

 

"Youuuuu!" Truck and Andy drew out, as false as street cats, before ending with an air guitar move around Harper's chair. The girl clapped her hands. Her eyes were suspiciously shiny.

 

"Happy birthday!" They all shouted again when Rose put down the cake - sugar combustible - in front of the joyful girl.

 

"Make a wish!" Shelby said and gestured to Harper so as to prompt her to start blowing out the candles.

 

Harper closed her eyes for a moment and all of them kept their breath until she opened them again and drew in a long breath. With a great big woosh, all the candles got extinguished and the family and friends cheered her on.

 

"Let the cake cutting begin!" Tomas smiled and drew the cake to him to start evenly cutting it up and distribute it to them.

 

"Gifts!" Andy shouted with a grin. Like he had forgotten all about it, but of course, they hadn't.

 

"First mine!" Verity said and gave a little purple wrapped box to Harper.

 

"Thank you." The little girl quietly whispered. Her eyes big, she carefully pulled out the contents of the box. "Oh my, Verity, it's beautiful." Harper kept staring at the necklace she held in her small hands.

 

Verity shrugged. "I found those on the lake shore. I think it's glass and the water must have sanded them down enough to make this little pearl-like stuff. Andy gave me the chain and I just made holes in them."

 

Harper held up the necklace and the sunlight made them sparkle like little rainbows. There were three gorgeous pearls hanging from the middle part of the necklace kept apart from each other with a tiny wooden cube with letters drawn in it. Harper took a better look at it at and looked confused at Verity.

 

The older girl awkwardly looked around before replying to the unspoken question. "I like runes and I looked it up on Google. There are three of them and they all have a meaning. Friendship, protection, and family."

 

"That is very nice of you, Verity." Andy murmured.

 

"It's simply gorgeous," Rose confirmed and smiled through her tears to Harper who had clutched the necklace to her chest.

 

"Thank you, Verity."

 

"You're welcome. Do you want me to help you put it on?"

 

"Yes, please!"

 

A minute later had Harper opening her next present from Caleb and Truck. Her hand absentmindedly kept touching the pearls on her breast and a slight smile lingered around her mouth. The girl was positively beaming.

 

"Awesome!" She shouted when the wrapper fell away.

 

"We know how much you like those stupid disco songs. So we put together some money and ordered this record online. You can use the record player anytime you want."

 

"Can I put it on now? Thank you, Caleb and Truck. It's amazing."

 

Caleb took the record without another word and went upstairs to put it up. They all drank some tea and coffee while waiting for Truck to come back. The boy stomped down the stairs to the beat of ABBA playing.

 

"Ah, Waterloo." Marcus smiled at Harper. "Love that song."

 

"Didn't peg you for a disco man."

 

"This old cripple man still has some moves." Marcus smiled. Tomas warmly gazed at him. Glad to see Marcus joining in on the birthday stuff.

 

"Okay, this is from Rose and me," Andy said and handed over a large parcel.

 

"A new school bag! Thank you!"

 

"I saw you looking at the one in the shop with the flowers and yours is pretty worn out so we thought you could really use it. Open it."

 

Harper did and pulled out a book. "Sophie's world." She beamed.

 

"I heard it's a great book for people who are interested in philosophy and such," Tomas said.

 

"Yes, it is. We thought you would find it educational."

 

"I will. Thanks."

 

"Tell me about it when you've finished it."

 

"You betcha!" The little girl laughed and put her new gifts away. Without expecting anything else she continued eating her cake and complimented all of them once more for the great baking.

 

"Wow, you think we're done yet?" Shelby said and pulled out another gift. "I have one too for you."

 

Harper felt around the parcel and guessed what it was. "A book?"

 

"Not _just_ a book. I made a collection of poems from famous writers and verses out the Bible. To grant you strength, hope and inspiration." Shelby blushed.

 

The girl opened the small leather-bound book and saw Shelby had copied all of the poems and verses down by hand in calligraphy.

 

Heart in her throat, Harper choked out her gratefulness. "This is so thoughtful. Thank you." And she squeezed her hand around Shelby's bigger one.

 

"You're welcome."

 

"Did we get her a gift, Tomas?" Marcus joked.

 

"I can't remember. I don't think so." Tomas scratched the back of his neck. "It must've slipped our minds."

 

"Thought so. Reckon she might be disappointed in us then, eh?"

 

"Nah, she wouldn't, now, would she?" The priest looked at Harper. Her hand was covering her mouth to hide her excessive smiling at the tricksters.

 

"Might be I saw something useful in the shed. Maybe she would like that?"

 

"In the shed, you say, Marcus?"

 

That had the girl up and about and running to the back of the house closely followed by the rest of them. Her happy shout reached them before they caught up with the girl in the back garden.

 

"A bike! Thank you!"

 

Harper touched her new blue sky coloured ride and touched the envelope hanging on the steering wheel. She slowly opened the envelope and pulled out some papers. One was her baptise certificate, the other a picture of her being blessed by Tomas in his priest garb and the other picture was of her and Marcus enjoying a quiet chat by the edge of the lake.

 

"This is the best birthday ever." The girl promptly broke out into tears and Marcus scooped her up - after Tomas helped him inside the shed - and placed her on his lap.

 

"Ey, puppet. No tears now." The man lowly mumbled in her hair. Harper only threw her arms around his neck in reply. Tomas heard Rose sniff loudly behind him.

 

"Let's go back inside and enjoy that diabetes fest." Marcus smiled. The girl nodded in his neck and with that Tomas helped push the wheelchair back to the white house with both girl and ex-priest sitting in it. Hugging all the way back.

 

The cake got followed by some light snacks. Finger bite-sized veggies with hummus, crisps, cheese and dried fruit before the doorbell rang.

 

"That must be dinner!" Andy said and ran to the front door. "Tadaaa!" He shouted a couple of minutes later holding take-out Chinese in his arms.

 

"Smells delicious!" Caleb said and the family soon dove in. The party lasted the rest of the evening and after ten, Verity took out her Polaroid camera and started taking pictures of them playing games.

 

Harper and Truck were playing out a sketch without words. Caleb kept shouting instructions at the both of them while keeping track of the scores. Shelby couldn't stop laughing because Caleb shouted nonsense at the duo in the front just to keep the rest of them on the wrong foot at guessing what their supposed roles were.

 

"A cop arresting a tree hugger!" Caleb yelled.

 

"What in God's name is a tree hugger?" Tomas frowned around a mouthful of fortune cookie.

 

Marcus slapped his knee and wiped the tears of laughter from the corner of his eyes. Before he could do anything else, Tomas had put his hand on top of the one on his knee and held it there.

 

The other's noises soon drowned out and the two men held each other's gazes.

 

"Yes!" Verity triumphantly shouted, making the duo jump up guiltily at being caught in their private moment. The older girl pulled out the new Polaroid and started waving it around so it would dry quickly. "Et voilà!" She handed them the picture before resuming her amateur photography. This time Andy kissing Rose would be her next victims.

 

Marcus looked down at the photo. It was obvious what they were thinking at the moment caught by Verity.

"Let me see." Tomas murmured and put his chin on Marcus' shoulder so he could also look at it. "It's nice. Our first picture together."

 

Marcus' throat was dry and he just nodded in amazement. How did they ever get here? Slowly he turned his head sideways so he could look at his friend. His eyes flicked to the plump lips curled into a lazy smile.

 

Dark brown eyes searched out his own before slowly leaning in further. Their breaths mingled and Marcus' eyes fluttered closed the moment they kissed. Tomas seemed to sigh deeply into the chaste kiss and pressed closer still. Carefully the younger man pulled back before pecking Marcus once more and returned to look at the picture.

 

Around them, all had gone silent and Marcus looked back up at the others when he noticed they were all staring at them. In a matter of milliseconds, he flushed completely red and dropped his eyes to the colourful carpet. Andy cleared his throat and suddenly said, "I know! Old lady and her cat!"

 

"Yes! _Finally_!" Harper shouted. The party resumed without a hitch and whenever Marcus looked back up, he saw the others smiling and none of them seemed to be disturbed by the public kiss between him and Tomas.

 

A large weight lifted off his shoulders and the next time Tomas leaned in - when handing him a fresh cup of tea - he lifted his chin so their lips could meet halfway.

 

* * *

 

"I hate this." Marcus huffed after dropping in the chair standing on the end of the track he just had to complete. His physical therapist, Erica, nodded in understanding before helping him back up.

 

"Just once more. I know you can do it. You already did it two times."

 

Determined Marcus gripped the bars on each side of him with tight knuckled hands. Slowly he dragged one leg forward before pulling up the other. Sweat beaded on his forehead and he could feel his back was starting to get all clammy. Making dark circles on his grey shirt. Slow as a turtle, he shuffled forward with the help of the bars.

 

His right leg starting spasming again. "I can't! Hurt." He bit out before crumbling to the floor. Erica - strong for her petite figure - caught him and helped him back to his wheelchair.

 

"This was very good. You're making an amazing progress after nearly three months. I bet that by Valentine you can go with crutches."

 

"You think?" Marcus rasped before gulping down some water from the bottle standing beside him on the table.

 

"I'm sure. You're working very hard. Are you ready for your massage now?"

 

"Yes, fine. Thank you." The older man sighed and was already desperately hoping to get out of the hospital's gym as soon as possible.

 

"Your husband will be glad to see your progress." The woman beamed while bending his legs carefully.

 

"Could you... Could you not tell him yet? Please? I don't want to get his hopes up."

 

Erica stayed quiet for a while before nodding her agreement. "I understand but he'll surely notice by the time Christmas rolls around."

 

"We'll see," Marcus replied before letting his head thud back on the table. Trying to ban out all feelings of hope.

 

* * *

 

"Mr Ortega?" Erica said loudly while wheeling down Marcus down the hallway. They were looking for his _husband_ so they could go back home. The ex-priest was too tired to roll himself down to the parking lot and needed the help.

 

"There he is. I'll leave you here. See you next week, Marcus." She patted his shoulder and turned around to go see her next patient.

 

"Hello," Tomas said warmly smiling down at his friend. "Peter was just picking up some prescriptions for himself when we met in the cafeteria. He asked to wait together for you."

 

Marcus couldn't find his tongue.

 

"I'll be getting a deca for you now. Mustn't mix with your medication." The priest said awkwardly and disappeared without another word leaving Marcus and Peter alone in front of the vending machine.

 

"So... Everything well? How did the PT go?"

 

"Good. Good."

 

"Is this as awkward for you as it is for me?" Peter grinned suddenly.

 

"Yes, it damn well is."

 

"Want to know what we talked about?"

 

Blushing, Marcus nodded. He really did want to know.

 

"He apologised for his childlike behaviour. I saw him and turned but it was already too late. He caught me and I thought he would begin a fight but instead, he said sorry."

 

"That's... That's good of him."

 

"He's a good man."

 

"That he is."

 

"He also said he loves you very much and if my friendship is something that makes you happy, he wouldn't stand in the way of that."

 

Marcus didn't know what to say to that.

 

"I'm happy for you, Marcus." Peter continued. "Now smile so Tomas can come back without feeling ashamed."

 

The wheelbound man looked up and saw Tomas muttering to himself at the end of the hallway. Holding two cups of coffee and obviously hesitating to disturb the talking men at the vending machine. Marcus grinned at Tomas' gallantry and sought out the man's eyes so he knew it was alright to come back.

 

"Well, I better be going. Great to see you. Both of you." Peter smiled and with a nod left the couple.

 

The younger man handed over the cup of steaming coffee and starting pushing the wheelchair to the elevator.

 

"Thank you," Marcus muttered over his shoulder. Not able to look him in the eyes this time but grateful nonetheless.

 

"He's your friend and I trust you."

 

* * *

 

"My Abuela and I made this every Christmas." Tomas murmured with a slight smile. He held up the little ball of straw to the light, to check for any defects, before handing it over to Harper. The girl, with the tip of her tongue peeking between her lips, threaded a loop and stuck it on the bauble.

 

"Can you put this one up too?" Harper asked Verity. The older girl nodded and climbed back on the small ladder to decorate their homemade Christmas tree even more.

 

"I've never seen this though." Marcus grinned. He held up another paper made tinsel before looking back at the tree made out of books and scraps of metal.

 

Verity had let her creativity turn its course when Andy decided she was responsible for the Christmas tree this year. After snooping around in every second-hand shop and begging of old tomes and telephone books from their neighbours, she built a tree from stacked hardcovers and rolled up papers. Strengthened by various pieces of metal she had pieced together.

 

Now the family was in charge of the finishing touch because tomorrow was Christmas.

 

"Anything special planned?" Tomas asked Rose. Just to be sure they, Marcus and he, weren't in the way.

 

"A veggie winter barbecue and then chocolate fondue."

 

"Do we unwrap presents at dinner tomorrow evening or do we wait until Boxing Day?" Caleb asked.

 

Andy and Rose seemed to communicate with their eyes for a while before deciding both. "Boxing Day."

 

" _Fine_." The boy bit out and passive-aggressively stapled a couple of times in the air before stapling another paper tinsel together.

 

"Bugger!" Marcus suddenly snapped and pulled his thumb to his mouth. "Papercut. I'm fine." He grumbled before sucking on it.

 

"Show me." Tomas insisted with his hand held out.

 

Marcus rolled his eyes but gave his thumb up for closer inspection in any case.

 

"We should wrap it up." The priest decided, making the older man grumble once more.

 

"I'll get a band-aid!" Truck shouted and bounded off to the bathroom. Only to return after a minute or so with one of his colourful band-aids.

 

"Which one?" Tomas grinned before holding up one with tiger stripes and another one with a snakeskin pattern.

 

Marcus hissed and made a funny clawlike attempt in the air making the others around them break out in chuckles. Carefully Tomas put on the tiger stripes.

 

"Here I thought only kisses could make my boo-boo stop hurting." The ex-priest joked. He expected for Tomas to keep laughing with the others but instead, his face turned quite solemn. Careful to avoid Marcus' gaze and he turned back to the wrapping of straw balls.

 

"Let's put on the lights, shall we?" Andy broke the slightly awkward moment.

 

* * *

 

 

"Back again?" Marcus muttered over the edge of Jane Austen's Emma. His back supported by several fluffy pillows on the kingsized bed.

 

Tomas nodded, completely exhausted, and slung a towel around his sweatsoaked neck before heading to the bathroom. His workout regime had only gotten more rigorous the last couple of weeks. Nearly every evening he went out for a 10-mile run, followed by a long shower before he collapsed beside Marcus and zapped off to slumber town in a matter of seconds.

 

"Don't go for a run tomorrow," Marcus asked before Tomas went for his shower. He stiffened slightly before moving on. The only indication to the older man that his question - command - had been heard.

 

Marcus wasn't an idiot.

 

The moment the door had fallen shut behind the younger man's back, he had put down his paperback and started staring at the door. Not for the first time, hoping he could stare right through the walls if he was patient long enough.

 

When Tomas finally settled in and leaned over to dim the lamp on his bedside table, Marcus interrupted the silence.

 

"I wish you wouldn't hide your _need_ from me."

 

"I see no need to force you into doing something you won't..." The younger man searched for words to end that sentence in a more delicate way. "...Fully enjoy."

 

"Whatever gave you that idiot notion?"

 

"You are a leader. You are a teacher. Fearlessly you risk your soul to save another being. Without hesitation you make others obey your commands."

 

"Your point being?"

 

"I know of your past. I know it has been always me who had to make the first move. And I don't mind, but now..."

 

"Because I'm a cripple." Marcus bitterly continued.

 

" _Because_! Because we're not of _equal_ standing."

 

"Equal standing." The other man snarled and turned around to hide even deeper under the covers. He knew he was not nearly good enough for Tomas, but to have him point it out without any finesse... The shame was too much to bear for a second and Marcus nearly forgot how to breathe.

 

"You're deliberately misunderstanding me, Marcus." Tomas calmly stated. Already used to the other man's temper tantrums.

 

"Then _enlighten_ me." Marcus bit out before turning back so he could look at his partner while waiting for an explanation.

 

"You have suffered greatly, mi amigo." Tomas warmly replied and he too turned towards the other man. His hand gently caressing the side of the drawn face in front of him.

 

Needily Marcus pressed his cheek closer into the rough palm.

 

"Love is patient," Tomas whispered. His lips ghosting over those of Marcus. "Love is kind. It does not envy."

 

"It does not boast. It is not proud." Marcus continued muffled against the warm mouth.

 

"It does not dishonour others. It is not self-seeking."

 

"Nor easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs." He felt his eyes starting to leak once more. Only Tomas could make his soul sing so much that he cried tears of happiness. "Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." He continued.

 

The priest kissed him slowly. "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Another kiss made Marcus' heart miss a beat or two.

 

"Then why?" He finally asked brokenly.

 

"When you're ready my love. Ready to make the first move. Until then I shall keep loving you and granting you space to heal."

 

"You are waiting for me to instigate."

 

"Yes."

 

"One may wait a rather long wait."

 

"And I am grateful for every second of it."

 

"Tomas, you're too much." Marcus groaned and flopped back. "Just stop hiding from me."

 

"I'll try." The dark-haired man chuckled before shutting off the lamp.

 

* * *

 

Verity had declared a Christmas Bootcamp game the morning after and had them blindly apple fishing with their mouths and all other sorts of games. Surprisingly, Caleb won that round and after winning several more, it was his turn to pick a new game.

 

"O Romeo, Romeo. Why is thy name, Romeo?" Andy shrilly shouted up to a hand-drawn moon on cardboard.

 

"Cut! Cut!" Caleb shouted. "I can hear you're not being serious, Andy! We need to win this play!"

 

"Fine! I'll try again."

 

"Tybalt, get over here." Their director shouted at Truck who morosely stomped up to them. "I wonder what the girls are practising upstairs." The boy muttered before letting the men - minus Tomas who had opted for the female team - practice some more.

 

Their rendition of Romeo and Juliet was awful. Comically so. The women ran off with the golden bottle of alcohol-free champagne with their version of Mamma Mia. Having Tomas play all three potential fathers _and_ one of the girlfriends _and_ the groom-to-be.

 

"I've never heard SOS in Spanish." Marcus laughed. Tomas' only reply was flipping him the bird.

 

"Tomas! I saw that!" Harper shouted.

 

"So did we!" Rose and Shelby joined the little tattletale.

 

"Dish duty!" Andy sang amused.

 

* * *

 

"The Sound of Music is on!" Rose shouted from the living room. Five minutes later had the complete family entranced by Maria's struggles.

 

Tomas stealthily slipped away - picking up empty chips trays on his way - to the kitchen. Marcus heard the water run and several dishes clanking against one another in the distance.

 

"I'll think I'll go help." He said before wheeling himself off to the kitchen. Harper jumped up to join but with a slight shake of his head, she sat back down again. Andy knowingly grinned at Marcus before resuming gazing at the screen.

 

"Not a fan of Do-Re-Mi?" Tomas said without turning around. It was probably the creaking of his wheels on the hardboard floor that gave his entrance away.

 

"Do-Re- _No_." Marcus empathically replied and took up a dry towel from the rack near the heater.

 

With a couple of huffs and puffs, he parked his chair close to the counter and with a grunt, he lifted himself against it. Leaning on it - trying to ignore his trembling legs - he glanced at Tomas. The man was smiling softly but not making any move to interfere or assist with Marcus' attempt at standing.

 

Slowly, the ex-priest turned around and lifted himself so he could sit on the counter and spare his weak legs.

 

"So... This is better. I rather look at you while we're talking." Marcus grinned and picked up a plate and started drying it off.

 

The couple amicably continued on their task. Tomas wiped his forehead with his forearm and after a while, he sighed loudly. Dried off his hands and started rolling up his sleeves even higher. It was warm in the kitchen and the hot water was making the priest sweat even more.

 

Marcus tried to ignore the strong arms now bared for his viewing pleasure. His fingers lingered though when Tomas handed him another plate.

 

The younger man sharply inhaled but continued on. Choosing not to comment. His eyes boring into the soap bubbles beneath his hands.

 

The next touch of their fingers had Marcus biting his lip. Deciding to push through with this singular act of brazenness. His hand slipped over the wet skin and gripped Tomas' pulse. His long and thin fingers easily closed around the darker skin. Tomas froze.

 

The hand climbed further upwards. Over his elbow, passing his strong bicep and kneading the trembling shoulder underneath. Marcus knew he must be panting by now. Tomas, on the other hand, was still as a statue.

 

Marcus toyed briefly with the stiff collar of the black shirt and caressed the naked skin peeping out from above. The sliver of slightly damp neck before continuing on to the strong jawline. Tomas' Adam's apple bobbed up and down. His eyes still watching the now clearing water in the sink.

 

Bravely he thumbed the plump lips and sighed when Tomas wetted them. His mouth suddenly dry as sand. Tomas shyly glanced his way and it was in that moment that Marcus understood how much the other man wanted him. His eyes midnight black and body visibly straining to reign in his desires. Hands trembling on the edge of the sink and heart thumping wildly underneath the tight black shirt.

 

"We..." Tomas' voice was wrecked and he cleared his throat before trying again. "We... We should finish this before the water turns cold." A flush had stolen over his face and Marcus thought him the loveliest being he had ever seen.

 

"No." He whispered in reply and curled his fingers around the nape of Tomas' neck. Pulling him closer. The other man - willingly - let himself be led between Marcus' knees.

 

"Someone could come in." Tomas' voice trembled against the hairs of his moustache.

 

"I don't care." Marcus murmured.

 

"Is... Is this because of what we talked about yesterday? You don't have to prove anything to me."

 

"Partly and yes, I know. I want this. I want you. Call it a visit from the Christmas spirit." Marcus grinned. "Don't you want this?"

 

Tomas would have cursed if he weren't struck speechless in that moment.

 

"Whatever I want?" The ex-priest murmured while pecking up and down the strong jawline in front of him.

 

"Anything."

 

"You'll let me lead?"

 

"Yes."

 

Slowly Marcus drew both his hands up and starting popping open the top buttons of the shirt Tomas was wearing. He could now easily see how laboured the younger man's breathing was. Nonetheless, he continued his torture.

 

When his chest was exposed, Marcus leaned back to appreciate the view and tried to catch Tomas' gaze after a moment or two.

 

"Have I ever told you how extremely gorgeous you are, my love?"

 

Something peculiar just happened then. Something Marcus had never seen before. Tomas turned red as a lobster and started stammering something unintelligible before turning silent once more. His eyes turned resolutely to the floor.

 

"What was that?" Marcus huffed out - completely amused by the endearing sight.

 

"I didn't joke with your reaction to my Spanish," Tomas muttered petulantly.

 

"I seriously doubt it had the same effect." The older man grinned and then turned to stone for a moment when he noted the shame stealing over the handsome face in front of him. "Was it my statement of your beauty that garnered such a reaction?"

 

He was curious now and in no way about to make fun of his friend about this development.

 

"No, you've mentioned you find me attractive several times now." Tomas was now looking at a teacup in the cupboard to their left.

 

Marcus carefully contemplated his next words before speaking. "My love?"  Again the cherrylike flush covered Tomas' face. This time Marcus could easily follow it trail down to his chest.

 

"I'm not the only one with an accent, _Marcus_."

 

Now Marcus was amused again. His little _priest_ was irked.

 

"You're making fun of me."

 

"I swear, I'm not... Luv." Marcus exaggerated.

 

Tomas groaned annoyed and starting pulling back from their embrace. He had envisioned this going completely different and now he was the laughingstock.

 

"I'm sorry... I mean..." He couldn't help himself. "Are you jealous whenever I call Harper puppet? Do you want me to call you munchkin now too?"

 

He knew he had gone too far with his teasing when he saw Tomas grit his teeth in that particular way. That way he only did when he was trying to keep his temper in check. The man started buttoning his shirt back up and pulled completely away before emptying the sink and refilling it with fresh hot water.

 

"Tomas..." Marcus was looking for words to apologise. He suddenly felt extremely foolish and knew he was just wonderful at putting his foot in it and ruining their moment.

 

"It's fine, Marcus. Just forget it."

 

"I didn't..."

 

"Let it be!"

 

Marcus' teeth clacked together when he abruptly shut his mouth and without another word he picked up a new plate. He was embarrassed. He felt his ears burn with it and yet he kept silent.

 

Guilt was a bloody awful feeling.

 

* * *

 

The both of them were still in time to see the Von Trapp family perform before their great escape and if somebody noticed the slightly bigger gap between the two men squashed together on the sofa - no one commented on it.

 

Rose brew a pot of tea and left it in front of them before leaving to help tuck Harper in. Andy was helping Truck and Caleb upstairs and Verity had disappeared five minutes before the credits scene to her room.

 

Only Shelby was left and he was engrossed in one of his favourite books in the corner.

 

Tomas gallantly poured out two cups of hot steaming tea when Marcus couldn't take it any longer.

 

"I'm sorry." He blurted out as elegant as a goldfish on an escalator. Shelby shortly glanced up over the cover of his book and decided to leave the two men. Fleeing to the sanctuary of his single room.

 

"You've been so patient." Marcus continued in any case. "So very very patient and I'm just... Bloody hell. I just make everything awkward."

 

"It's fine, Marcus. I'm not angry anymore."

 

"I hurt you."

 

"You're forgiven."

 

"You shouldn't. I'll hurt you many times more."

 

"And I'll keep forgiving you. I'm no Saint either."

 

"I... I want to give you something in return. You do so much for me. I just don't know _how_."

 

"This is enough, Marcus."

 

"No, it is not. Stop lying to me. To yourself. The longer I wait to do something the more..."

 

"The more... _What_? _Obliged_ you feel to grant me something in return? I don't expect _anything_ from you, _Marcus_." Tomas spat.

 

"I know! I know! I'm going completely wrong about this, aren't I?"

 

Tomas sighed and stood up from the sofa. Determined to finish the conversation and retreat to their room to lick his wounds in peace. Marcus pulled hard on his wrist and Tomas lost his balance. He luckily caught himself in time before slamming their heads together by bracing his arms around the older man's shoulder. Before he could say anything, though, Marcus had pulled their faces together and plunged his tongue deep into his mouth.

 

For several seconds Tomas was stumped and then surged into reaction. His hands fisted into the loose sweater Marcus was wearing and he eagerly took over the lead in their kiss. He froze when he felt a hand creep towards his belt. With a loud wet noise, he pulled their mouths apart and stared at the terrified man underneath him.

 

"Don't." Tomas panted.

 

"I don't know how to show you. How to tell you... How appreciated you are. How loved you are. Without you asking anything in return. I want you to ask. Please, tell me how. Anything, Tomas." Marcus whispered.

 

"You just told me." Tomas warmly smiled. "And that's all I need. If a physical relationship is not something you want or are ready for then I can do without. I simply can't do without _you_."

 

Marcus covered his eyes before Tomas noticed he was about to start crying again. This time in frustration.

 

"Marcus... Marcus?" Tomas murmured and tried pulling the hands away.

 

Eyes tightly shut - Marcus surged back up against the younger man. Locking their lips together and barely giving them time to breathe. Tomas submitted and confusedly tried to make sense of what Marcus was trying to say but couldn't put into words.

 

Strong fingers clawed at his shoulders, pressing them closer still and Tomas tried to keep most of his weight from the other man. Tried very hard not to let his hardness press into him so he would notice his insistent desire.

 

"Christ, Tomas, are you going to make me say it?" Marcus huffed out in defeat, deep into Tomas' chest. "I may not get hard, but I want you. Very much so. I want to hear your accent when you lose yourself in our kisses. I want to see your face when you finish. I want to be the one to make you come."

 

"But..." Tomas was stumped.

 

"No buts, just you and I. I've never - _never_ \- not even for a second - stopped wanting you. Stop trying to protect me. Yes, I've had terrible experiences in the past. I have _you_ now. _You_ to erase all the bad and replace it with good. And I want to have _all_ of you."

 

Tomas' mouth went slack and Marcus caught his starry-eyed expression.

 

"Take me to bed, Tomas."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God's Flight by Heather Flood  
> On the ground sits a bird  
> That's too afraid to fly.  
> Beautiful wings could make it soar,  
> But the pain of past failure is its lonesome cry.
> 
> God has said unto this bird,  
> "Trust and have faith in me,  
> for I will carry you in your flight.  
> The miracle of life is waiting for you to see."
> 
> The bird said to God, "But I can't fly.  
> I am weak. I will fall and feel pain.  
> It's happened before when I tried to fly.  
> I'm afraid of being hurt again."
> 
> His voice soft and reassuring, God said to the bird,  
> "I created you, and I will protect you.  
> Your lonesome cry I have heard.  
> Have faith in me. That's all you need to do.
> 
> So, stand up, bird, and spread your wings.  
> The wings I lovingly created to let you fly.  
> If you fall I'll pick you up,  
> And lift you back into the sky."
> 
> With trembling legs and unsure wings,  
> The bird finally looked to the sky.  
> It took a deep breath and took the chance.  
> The bird began to fly.
> 
> "Thank you, God, for believing in me.  
> Thank you for giving me wings.  
> Thank you for your protecting hands.  
> Your glory I will now sing."
> 
> God smiled unto the bird  
> In its majestic flight.  
> "Little bird, I'll always be with you,  
> And will protect you with all my might.
> 
> You may stumble. You may fall.  
> That doesn't mean that I don't care.  
> I will watch over you in case you need help,  
> And then I'll be right there."
> 
> The little bird, once so scared,  
> Learned to soar to new heights.  
> The occasional fall no longer scared the bird,  
> Choosing to have faith in God's flight.

**Author's Note:**

> The Journey by Nickeisha Samuels
> 
> Until you've walked the road that I've trod,  
> and pushed your foot in my shoes,  
> and felt how worn out they are because of the distance I've travelled,  
> you can never tell me you know how I feel.  
> I cry every night because I'm human,  
> and tears are a language God understands.  
> I laugh every day  
> without one knowing what's really going on in my head.  
> I smile every morning because I have life.  
> I go through every week hoping that things will get better.  
> I count the months of disappointments  
> because I know the years of victory will be sweet.  
> God never gives us more than we can bear,  
> and I'm going to continue walking,  
> no matter how hot the sun is,  
> no matter how dusty the day gets,  
> how cold the night is,  
> and how lonely I feel.  
> I will always be grateful.  
> Where there is life, there is hope.  
> I believe in the plan God has for my life,  
> and I may fall short, but he never lets me go.  
> Thank you, Father, for your grace and mercy  
> that have brought me through.  
> I'm living this moment because of you.


End file.
